Author Topic: PBR call about Eagles tryouts?  (Read 895 times)

gogurt

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PBR call about Eagles tryouts?
« on: February 08, 2018, 12:34:55 PM »
I'm looking for a PBR call where he recounted trying out for the Eagles in the 80's. Can't seem to find a reference to this on the webs.  Anyone remember this or where I could find it?  Thanks in advance.

Omar

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Re: PBR call about Eagles tryouts?
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2018, 05:15:49 PM »
I'm looking for a PBR call where he recounted trying out for the Eagles in the 80's. Can't seem to find a reference to this on the webs.  Anyone remember this or where I could find it?  Thanks in advance.

This is the 8/22/2006 call. PBR's father and 14 of his buddies tried out! A full recap of this call follows. 

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- A caller performs (starts at 31:10) the opening synth line of The Who’s "Baba O’Riley" -- it's Philly Boy Roy doing the theme music for Invincible, the greatest movie of the year, which opens on Friday. Tom thinks it might be the new Jet Li movie, but it's a film about former Philadelphia Eagles player Vince Papale. Tom now recalls that it’s the film starring Mark Wahlberg, who PBR knows from Overnight, the documentary about Boondock Saints writer/director Troy Duffy. Tom's seen the film, but cannot recall seeing Wahlberg. PBR reminds Tom that Wahlberg appears in the film for a couple of seconds at the cookout after Troy signs his deal with Miramax's Harvey Weinstein. For PBR, this is a Wahlberg movie. Tom says Boogie Nights is more immediately considered a Wahlberg vehicle by most film fans, but PBR didn’t see that film because parts of it hit too close to home. PBR says it would be best not to go into it, and Tom says he’s 100% right to stay away from further discussion.

PBR wants to know if Tom’s excited about the film, but Tom doesn’t know the story that well. Tom gives PBR the go-ahead to “fill youse in”. Papale was working as a bartender in Philly during the 1975 NFL season where the Eagles stunk up the Vet with a 4-10 record. PBR's dad used say, “Roy, Jr., that is unacceptable", and PBR would respond with “Dad, you’re right.” PBR does note that wide receiver Harold Carmichael was pretty good that year. He asks Tom if he remembers how bad Keith Krepfle was. Tom doesn’t recall Krepfle. Ditto John Bunting.

The next season, they got Dick Vermeil as their coach and held open tryouts. Papale, who ain't never played football except for a little bit in high school, came in and landed a spot on the team as a wide receiver. He played a little bit in every game from 1976-1978, but didn’t do a whole lot in his run other than one fumble recovery. The Zieglers are so excited about the movie that they painted their souped-up 1976 Pacer just like an Eagles helmet, and Roy, Jr. drives it all over the city blasting nem O’Jays. Tom is not surprised to learn that the car doesn't have much floor left in it -- like the Flintstones, you can see the Zieglers' feet when they drive around Philly.

Tom wants a mileage count, and PBR says it had 780k at the time of its last oil change. It also has the original engine and nem rubber bands get kinda melted sometimes. Tom wonders why they don’t spring for a new ride, but PBR says that the Pacer has become a meaningful heirloom of sorts. They simply can't bear to part with it. Plus, they need to keep it on the road because Roy, Jr. uses it to take all the people who can’t make it out of Hooterville, their basement speakeasy, back home at the end of the night. Roy, Jr.'s payment is that he gets to rifle through the pockets of the inebriated patrons per the principle of "finders keepers". Tom rejects the maxim, saying that it’s people’s stuff -- that’s why it’s in their pockets. PBR is unmoved by the dissenting opinion, but does start to get sad because he knows that he won’t be able to make it through the movie on Friday without crying. When he sees a Philly sports hero on the big screen, the tears will flow.

While he was a little apprehensive about seeing Boogie Nights, Invincible is gonna hit even closer to home. Tom assumed it was because this film is Philly-based, but there is an even more personal connection to the story. When they had nem tryouts that summer, PBR's dad and 14 of his buddies tried out, too. Tom correctly assumes that nobody made the team. PBR says it was still a fun day with the entire gang driving to the Vet for a rare opportunity for football glory. PBR served as their beer boy, pulling a keg of Schmidt's through the stadium in his little red wagon. PBR watched from the sidelines as his dad did the most push-ups out of anyone in his group of friends. He completed a half push-up. Tom’s not impressed. PBR explains that they were all big guys, and when he says big, he means overweight, not like tall and buff. Considering that his dad was the top performer out of 15 with a measly half, Tom is not surprised to hear about the troupe’s excessive girth. His dad ended up getting thrown out of the tryouts for doing rails. Tom wonders why he would do coke before exerting himself physically -- something that he was not accustomed to doing -- under the watchful eyes of professional football coaches. PBR says he needed the energy.

He needed it because he was up all night trying to talk PBR down from the Kiss-induced freakout he suffered after seeing the band at the Spectrum. Tom asks if it was because the show was so good. In fact, the performance made PBR think that he was in “deepest Hades”, which he at least partly chalks up to the ‘cid he dropped before the show. It was so scary that at one point, it looked just like one of nem guys in the band was shooting fire out of his mouth. Tom says that probably did happen as part of the standard Kiss theatrics. PBR wants to know about when the same guy started bleeding out of his mouth. Tom says that was Gene Simmons engaging in antics that were also part of their act. PBR is certain that this part didn’t happen: they played a song called “Ladies In Waiting”, the worst song he’s ever heard in his life. Tom tells him that’s a real song, not some drug hallucination.

PBR now thinks that instead of actual acid, he may have just licked an old, non-narcotic postage stamp. Tom says all that stuff happened; PBR thinks it’s pretty freaky. PBR hopes that he didn't ruin his dad's chances for nothing because he probably would have made the team with a decent night's sleep. Tom thinks that since he could only muster a half of a push-up, it’s not likely he would have made the cut. PBR admits that he fudged the push-up total -- it wasn't even a half. Tom doesn’t see how anyone could do less than a half, and PBR says that technically he never got down. Tom says that anyone can get down since it’s basically just falling. PBR reminds Tom of the girth impairment: “Not with nem fat rolls.”

Speaking of roles, PBR wants to know if Tom’s heard of the word-of-mouth, buzz sensation, Snakes on a Plane. Tom says that everyone on Earth has heard of it by now, although based on its disappointing opening weekend haul, not a lot of people are actually seeing it. PBR didn’t see it neither, and he tells Tom that he’s talking to the co-author of Snakes on a Steak. Tom wants to know what it is, and PBR tells him: “It’s a movie, you dummy.” It’s just like SoaP, but it all takes place at Jim’s Steaks on South Street. PBR doesn’t want to give away too much because he fears that Tom will plagiarize the script. Tom says he definitely won’t. In a nutshell, the ground under Jim’s turns out to be under a Viking burial ground. There’s a big rock show on South Street called Brenner’s Street Soiree, a take-off on Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. As the name suggests, it's hosted by Philly's only comedian, David Brenner. PBR wants Tom to guess the musical lineup, which he doesn’t think he’ll be able to do. Tom correctly guess The Hooters, Robert Hazard, Teddy Pendergrass, and Hall & Oates. Tom did forgot the big one, the final band of the night: Dead Milkmen.

Tom knows of at least one other comedian from Philly -- Paul F. Tompkins. PBR doesn’t know him, but wants to know his story. Since PBR only watches cable from the parking lot of Circuit City, Tom says that he may have seen Tompkins without any audio. Tom thinks he’s funny, so PBR will get Roy, Jr. to Google him for more information.

When The Hooters break into “And We Danced”, something strange awakens Viking snakes, who start causing “max havoc”. Roy, Jr.’s writing most of it, and he wrote Tom into the film. Knowing PBR's feeling about him, Tom goes out on a limb and asks how he dies. Before answering, PBR wants to give some backstory on Fudge, the name of Tom's character in the film. PBR explains that everyone hates Fudge, but they keep him around because he’s so gross looking that people give his friends free stuff because they feel sorry for them for knowing him. One day, Fudge is in Jim’s to try to break his own record of consuming 42 cheesesteaks. He’s halfway done with the 42nd sandwich and knows he can eat more, but then the snakes come up. It’s particularly gross because Fudge is fluffing a lot and people can’t stand to be around it. A snake smashes Fudge's face against the grill. Fudge then gets a huge spray of "snake juice" (aka venom) in his face, which then gets peeled.

PBR doesn't think Tom will ever guess who they want to direct the project. Tom says John Avildsen, who PBR doesn't recognize despite being the director of Rocky. They’ve got someone else in mind: TLS, “the one and only, and he’s definitely not from Olney.” Tom asks PBR if he's even alive. PBR thinks he is, having read something about TLS in Viority [sic] magazine. Tom doesn't know what that is, and PBR tells him: "It’s a film trade, you dummy." Tom spells it: V-A-R-I-E-T-Y. PBR confirms that is the publication's title, which he's been saying wrong all the years he’s been a subscriber. Tom says that he has some nerve calling him a dunce and a dummy considering these kinds of errors. PBR says that if the name fits, wear it. Speaking of wearing stuff, PBR is wearing Roy, Jr.’s Eagles uniform. He can sort of fit into it, but the pants look more like short-shorts and they're kinda binding him, so he may have to hang up in a second. He’s wearing a child’s uniform to psych up for the film, and the Zieglers haven’t eaten since Saturday because they are too excited.

Tom thinks Snakes on a Steak may sound so bizarre because they are starting to hallucinate due to nem hunger pangs. They are taking in fluids in the form Frank’s Grape soda, which PBR believes contains nem nutrients. Tom sarcastically agrees about the nutrient content in the drink. As a result, PBR might get Roy, Jr. to write Fudge out of the movie. He thinks Tom will be sad, but Tom doesn’t care because he would never perform in the movie. PBR says they will just recast the role with someone who looks like him, such as a monkey down at the zoo. PBR cackles at the thought of replacing Tom with a primate. Tom brings the conversation back to the earlier comment about Roy, Jr driving a car all around Philly at age 14. PBR says he’s better at driving than his father. Tom points out that he has no license, but PBR says that he was driving at age 7 -- he actually drove his father and friends to the Vet for the tryouts.

Tom says that PBR is a horrible parent; PBR disagrees. PBR wants to call next week and give a film review. Tom likes the idea and hopes the film is good. PBR can't imagine how it wouldn't be considering it takes place in Philly. PBR then becomes extremely giddy and ends the call by telling Tom to "Fudge off."
"Let's have a device-a-thon, just you and me." -- Montgomery Davies

gogurt

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Re: PBR call about Eagles tryouts?
« Reply #2 on: February 09, 2018, 01:39:16 AM »
Thank you!!!