I loved the discussion of I-95 rest areas. The last time I was at Maryland House, I too was weirded out by the Phillips Seafood stand -- especially at how busy it was! Fast food crab cakes and road travel are not a good idea.
Other fave rest areas:
Molly Pitcher, NJ Turnpike (has a Cinnabon, conveniently located halfway between NYC and Philly)
Richard Stockton, NJ Turnpike (it's just a few miles past Molly Pitcher which tends to get busy)
Cheesequake, Garden State Parkway (Located right over the Raritan River Bridge -- a demarcation line of sorts between North/Central Jersey and the Shore and a perfect spot to grab a bite to eat after going to Asbury/Seaside/Point Pleasant)
Westborough, Mass Pike (Has a Boston Market, located right after where I-84 meets up with the Mass Pike)
The Gene Simmons call was ridiculous, as is all of Tom's bitterness towards teenagers (both in and out of Odd Future).