Stories of Humiliation

[ericluxury]

So yesterday the most humiliating thing thats happened to me since I got the right to vote happened.

So I go to a gym which is way too fancy for me but I go because its in the building I work in. Yesterday I was on the treadmill after work (Monday evening is the busiest time for the gym). I was at the end of the laundry cycle and hadn't washed my gym clothes on the last cycle because I forgot to bring them home. So as I am 10 minutes into my run, I get a tap on the shoulder and the general manager of the gym says to me 'I am going to ask you to stop your workout and come with me'. He was big and the wording of that brought me right back to all the times I was harassed by cops as a youth. Some people get in authority figures faces, but my natural reaction to confrontation with authority is to get incredibly nervous and go along with whatever the cop is saying. I thought I was going to be arrested for some reason. So rather than going with him, I said 'What's going on?'
Basically he tells me, in a very loud voice and in a very crowded area, that I smell too badly to be in the gym with my current clothes and says that he'd be happy to sell me something from the overpriced gym clothes store they have.
It was so embarassing to have 50 people basically watch me as I leave because I smell too badly to be in this place like I was a homeless guy. That, coupled with the interaction where it felt like being jerked around by a cop or a principal, I had completely forgotten that kind of feeling. When I got home, the general manager had written me an email apologizing for the situation and his lack of discretion.

Reading this over, its not a particularly funny story to read (though its funny to tell), but I was hoping we could have a nice topic like this where people share stories rather than the diviseness thats been happening a lot recently. Anyone?

[todd]

Reading this over, its not a particularly funny story to read

Wrong. I'm cackling at your misfortune! Hahahahahaha.

Also, leave that gym. They sound like dicks.

[Petey]

i didnt wash my gym clothes (school gym) for the whole year and nobody said anything. Except this one kid who borrowed my shirt and got really mad that he smelled like caked sweat and organic burritos.

[erika]

A few years ago I was in a bar with a group of friends and a few of their acquaintences. One of these girls was crying and being dramatic about some horrible dating thing that was going on with her, so I decided to cheer her up by telling her a few of my terrible date stories.

I included one about this totally obnoxious guy who told racist jokes on a first date and told me his favorite movie was Sleepless in Seattle in some misguided attempt to get into my pants. She thought it was absolutely hillarious. Especially the part where he tried to shove his tongue down my throat two seconds after using a racial slur in some tasteless joke. We compared notes and figured out that she knew this guy too. Totally cheered her up. In fact I think she said he was a douchebag.

Fast forward six months later and I walk in to see this girl sitting at the bar with the guy I had been on the date with. Holding hands.

I go over to say hi, trying to ignore the awkwardness of the situation... and I start to make small talk with this girl. (the guy was avoiding eye contact with me) After about two minutes, she says "Hey remember that time you told me about that terrible date with Jeremy here? Because I do!" She had daggers in her eyes. Like she wanted to kill me all of a sudden.

It's not my fault she decided to start dating the asshole and all of a sudden didn't think my story was funny anymore!

I just kind of laughed and ordered my drink and walked away. But somehow she made me feel ashamed of myself.

[emma]

A couple of months ago I went to the art supply store to get some pens--I burn through those micron ones really quickly--and when I went to pay for them, the guy at the counter was like "that'll be $10 each." I was all "wait, whaaaaaaaat?" and then there was that awkward moment where he had to explain that he'd said they were $10 even and I had to explain that I'd misheard him. I was already kind of embarrassed, and I think he noticed because he was trying to be nice about it. As he was putting them into a bag for me, he said something like "Well, I mean, that would make sense, them being $10 each, because they're, like, really good pens."

I could have just nodded and smiled. I could have just taken the bag and left. Instead, I said

"Yeah...nothing like a good pen"

and then, inexplicably, SNORT-LAUGHED. Like a full on, throat-based, pig-sounding, super-loud snort laugh.

I swear to god everyone in the store turned around and stared. He raised an eyebrow and sort of held out the bag at arm's length, like I had told him I had leprosy or something. I couldn't go back into that place for weeks.

It doesn't read as awkward as it was, but still. Urrrrgh.

[gravy boat]

*********  ADULT STORY FOLLOWS   *********

The first time I was close to having sex I was 18 and had just graduated high school.  The willing lady -- my girlfriend of 2 months -- was more experienced.  It was a hot summer afternoon and her parents were at work.  I must have paid no attention in sex ed. because when I went to put on the condom I completely unrolled it and then tried to shimmy it over my thing. I struggled for I think hours and was sweating profusely. She finally snorted "What are you doing?"

We did not have sex that day.

I left her house soon after and spent the rest of the day driving around. 

[yesno]

once when I was getting the most intimate sort of physical, the doctor asked me if I was born again.

Tier one awkwardness.

[Matt]

This is a simple one. I was a senior in high school. It was lunchtime. The cafeteria was on the bottom level of the building, so there were big pillars all around the room. Of course, there were a lot of circular tables where students could eat. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. I get up and take my tray to the designated tray area. Students are slow to file out, and the cafeteria is still very much full. For some reason, I decide to cut through the tables as I leave, instead of simply walking around them. One table is directly across from a pillar, and the only thing blocking my path between these two obstacles is a chair. I decide to just jump on top of the chair, then jump to the floor and go on my way. So, I jump, but instead of landing perfectly straight on the chair as I'd planned, I land at too much of an angle, push the chair forward with my body weight and land flat on my back in front of half the student body. And EVERYBODY laughed. Some pointed. I tried to laugh along and play it off, but it wasn't happening. That was embarrassing.

Another good school one happened when I was in sixth grade. I was very shy, and pretty much only had one friend until I was in seventh grade, so I was still hesitant to talk to anybody. So, we're in class, and the teacher announces that we should form ourselves into groups. Being unpopular, I decide to just wait until everyone makes their groups and just join the one that's short one or two kids. This time, that group had three or four kids who were considerably more popular than I was. I go to sit at their table, and a popular guy looks at me as I start to sit down and says, "Don't sit at our table. We don't want you." So, I get up and look around for another group to join, but, seeing as I never really talked to anybody, I'd never dealt with that kind of rejection before. It hurts a lot, and I start to cry. It's soft at first and I can hide it, but it gets heavier, and I start shaking/heaving gently and tears are running down my face. The teacher sees me and forces the popular kids to accept me into their group. I'm unable to help with whatever project we're doing because I'm still crying, and the kid who told me off leans toward me and tries to reassure me and get me to stop crying, but it just makes me feel worse. And all this time, I have to try and come to terms with the fact that I just exposed myself as a sensitive dork in front of everyone in my class.

Well, I guess that second one is a little more haunting than humiliating.

[Fido]

Mine happened in the seventh grade, on one of the first days of junior high. New school and everything. I had this brand new digital watch that I didn't really know how to work yet, and it had this alarm that played the song, "Dixie."  (Being a yankee, I had no idea that this song had any kind of southern redneck connotation. I just thought it was kind of funny.)  So the alarm went off for some reason during my English class. I was completely horrified and did not know why or how to turn it off.  When I finally got it turned off, it went off again about five minutes later.  And then five minutes after that, and so on, probably five or six times during the hour.  Imagine my frustration and embarrassment at this point.

So at one such point, the principal of the school walks by, comes into the class and grabs my neck and pinches it really, really hard.  He whispers into my ear, "I think there are going to be some problems between us."  And walks out.

There never would be any such problems, I wanted to tell him, because I was basically a good kid. And there never were. Whatever. It was just my first encounter with a fascist administrator.

[AllisonLeGnome]

One time in 7th grade I was talking to my math teacher (who was awesome) about something (I don't remember what) and somehow it ended up with me saying that a lot of my dad's patients (he's a nephrologist- kidneys) died for reasons unrelated to their kidneys just because people with kidney problems were often old with a lot of other problems anyway. This probably wasn't the best thing to have said in any situation, but it wasn't particularly out of place. Then the teacher went, "Wait... your dad's Dr. [my last name]? He's great! I was just there with my father!" I've had a lot of situations before and since where things that seem worse than that have happened, but that one has always stuck with me.

i didnt wash my gym clothes (school gym) for the whole year and nobody said anything. Except this one kid who borrowed my shirt and got really mad that he smelled like caked sweat and organic burritos.

I only ever changed/washed my gym clothes like two or three times a semester, but I really don't sweat much at all naturally and I spent all of gym class avoiding all forms of exercise so it was perfectly hygienic. I did occasionally wonder if someone would notice, but when I did wash them I brought the same clothes in again anyway.

[Beth]

My birthday is September 15th, and in 2001, I was kind of feeling stressed out and completely irrational on that day. I had also just transferred to a new high school in my senior year and was really nervous. Anyway, I met some girls who seemed nice, and my parents generously offered to take us all out to dinner for my 18th birthday. For some inexplicable reason, halfway through dinner, I burst into tears, and couldn't stop crying. It was just the stress of all the 9-11/switching to a new school crap that had been going on getting to me, but even though I tried to stop, I kept crying, until I had to get up and leave the table. The girls then proceeded to spread it all around school that I had cried like a baby at my birthday dinner. So humiliating. I'm squirming just thinking about it.

[Josh]

One time in 7th grade I was talking to my math teacher (who was awesome) about something (I don't remember what) and somehow it ended up with me saying that a lot of my dad's patients (he's a nephrologist- kidneys) died for reasons unrelated to their kidneys just because people with kidney problems were often old with a lot of other problems anyway. This probably wasn't the best thing to have said in any situation, but it wasn't particularly out of place. Then the teacher went, "Wait... your dad's Dr. [my last name]? He's great! I was just there with my father!" I've had a lot of situations before and since where things that seem worse than that have happened, but that one has always stuck with me.

My dad's only a neurosurgeon -- imagine my humiliation!

Signed,

[Stan]

Not my humiliation, but left to right- Josh, Jason & Brian May:

[Wes]

This is a simple one. I was a senior in high school. It was lunchtime. The cafeteria was on the bottom level of the building, so there were big pillars all around the room. Of course, there were a lot of circular tables where students could eat. The bell rings, signaling the end of lunch. I get up and take my tray to the designated tray area. Students are slow to file out, and the cafeteria is still very much full. For some reason, I decide to cut through the tables as I leave, instead of simply walking around them. One table is directly across from a pillar, and the only thing blocking my path between these two obstacles is a chair. I decide to just jump on top of the chair, then jump to the floor and go on my way. So, I jump, but instead of landing perfectly straight on the chair as I'd planned, I land at too much of an angle, push the chair forward with my body weight and land flat on my back in front of half the student body. And EVERYBODY laughed. Some pointed. I tried to laugh along and play it off, but it wasn't happening. That was embarrassing.

I realize it's a little late to help you now, Matt, but there's a way to play that one off should something similar ever happen again: Pretend to be badly injured. You can see this successfully work anytime somebody spectacularly blows a play in the outfield in baseball or screws up on coverage in defense in football. Shaming people into not laughing will always be the final refuge of the embarrassed.

[gravy boat]

Another good school one happened when I was in sixth grade. I was very shy, and pretty much only had one friend until I was in seventh grade, so I was still hesitant to talk to anybody. So, we're in class, and the teacher announces that we should form ourselves into groups. Being unpopular, I decide to just wait until everyone makes their groups and just join the one that's short one or two kids. This time, that group had three or four kids who were considerably more popular than I was. I go to sit at their table, and a popular guy looks at me as I start to sit down and says, "Don't sit at our table. We don't want you." So, I get up and look around for another group to join, but, seeing as I never really talked to anybody, I'd never dealt with that kind of rejection before. It hurts a lot, and I start to cry. It's soft at first and I can hide it, but it gets heavier, and I start shaking/heaving gently and tears are running down my face. The teacher sees me and forces the popular kids to accept me into their group. I'm unable to help with whatever project we're doing because I'm still crying, and the kid who told me off leans toward me and tries to reassure me and get me to stop crying, but it just makes me feel worse. And all this time, I have to try and come to terms with the fact that I just exposed myself as a sensitive dork in front of everyone in my class.

How did you stop crying? I could use some of that now. Whew.  Someone must be chopping onions ..somewhere ... in this office .. at 10am. 

I want to go back in time and be best friends with that little kid.