Author Topic: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation  (Read 136051 times)

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #180 on: August 04, 2009, 11:50:45 AM »
And submarines.
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

amiright??

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #181 on: August 04, 2009, 01:07:30 PM »
I was hoping the interviewer's follow-up was going to be: "I give up. What song?" This was a nice interview and it's good to know that Ace sounds like he's got it all together. He should be a Best Show guest so he and Tom can discuss their mutual enthusiasm for roller coasters.

Isn't it called a rollie-coaster?

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #182 on: August 17, 2009, 10:43:12 AM »
# -4 Peter Criss

Peter Criss is not just the worst album a member of KISS wearing make-up ever produced, it’s among the worst albums ever produced by a member of a band that had ever produced a good record.

I had somehow rationalized in my brain that the Peter Criss Solo Album was just dumb.  It’s beyond that.  It’s a broadside insult to both rock and roll AND R&B.  

If you haven’t heard the Scharpling and Wurster take on the “The Cougar,” it’s important that you do so.  They capture what must have been Peter Criss’ mindset around 1979 perfectly.  “The Cougar’s roots are in classic R&B.”

Most of the songs on the album are lousy originals from Peter’s past bands, Lips and Chelsea.  There is, however, one passable song on Peter Criss – “Tossin’ and Turnin’.”  It’s an ok cover of an ok song.  Listenable.  The rest of the album is not.  

Criss is actually a decent singer of hard rock tunes and some ballads.  So why’s he so effing bad here?  I mean he sounds exhausted.  Frightened.  I have the idea that Gene was standing outside the studio:  “Peter, all the other albums are done.  You need to finish yours… tonight.”  Maybe Gene paid someone to hit him with a newspaper while he recorded.  It’s got to be something.

Peter was in a bad car accident before this album was recorded, one of many bad car accidents* that ruined parts of his career.  He didn’t even drum on several tracks.  Get that.  The drummer for the band does not drum on his solo album.

There are two types of P. Criss penned songs on this record: crap R&B, which are terrible but not to the point of making you want to smash the record to bits, and then sappy songs that Michael Martin Murphey would have vomited over.  Seriously.  If you don’t believe me, pick up “I Can’t Stop the Rain” on iTunes.  Warning: it has a swear word.

We’ll do the R&B first.

The album starts with the appalling “I’m Gonna Love You.”  Peter Criss really thinks he’s making R&B here.  That’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever written.  This track illustrates the album’s primary theme: repetition.  

Also, desperation.  

Also, the need to finish an album he was contractually obligated to make.

This raises a question.  Whose idea was it to make these solo albums?  I’ve never for the life of me been able to figure it out.  The most obvious reason would be Ace and Peter demanding it because of their secondary status in the band.  But there’s no way on earth Paul and Gene would care about that one bit.  You think Gene stayed up all night, not drinking and not doing drugs, wondering how to keep Peter and Ace in the band?  There’s evidence** that he didn’t even know their names.

The rumor is*** that Peter Criss found the words and music to this song while digging through Christopher Cross’ trash can.


The second track, “You Matter to Me,” introduces the theme of terrible lyrics, which Peter would raise to an art form on Dynasty a year later.  Although Peter didn’t write this one, his partners did.  Let’s say that Peter likes to sing the word “ain’t.”  This song also features heavy, heavy synthesizer.  And really bad male background vocals.  And sad “Yes You Do”s over the final lyrics of each stanza.  

“Rock Me Baby” is like what R&B would have sounded like if it had actually been invented – as opposed to ripped off – by Pat Boone.  No amount of dropped g’s or soul backing vocals or crap guitar or anemic horns can turn this number into anything listenable.  “Baby, who you been lovin’ since your man’s gone?”  At least it’s short.  This one was written by Sean Delaney.

“That’s the Kind of Sugar Papa Likes” has the distinction of being the second best song on an awful record.  Hoo-ray.  The lyrics are appalling.  “You know I love you/I’m blank blank blank.”  Try to guess the next line.

If you guessed “thinkin’ OF you,” congratulations, you’re as good a lyricist as Peter Criss.

“Hooked on Rock and Roll” is the third best song on the album.  It features a very, very weird lyric that I had to listen to a bunch of times to understand: “I was vaccinated with a Victrola needle.”  Were the early rock and roll records played on Victrolas?  This is a fact that I was, uh, unaware of.  Perhaps Peter Criss is older than I thought.

“Don’t You Let Me Down” bridges the R&B garbage and the other stuff.  It’s horrible, but it’s not as bad as the rest of the stuff.  Man it’s bad, though.  I changed my mind.  It belongs with the suckier stuff.  It sounds like the worst late period Jimmy Buffett love songs.

These last three make me very angry.

“Easy Thing” features a whole lot of falsetto, which is not Peter Criss’ strength, nor is it rock and roll’s strength.  Nor is it old timey R&B’s strength.  I don’t get it.

“Kiss the Girl Goodbye” has nothing to do with KISS.  More falsetto.  If Alex Chilton had been paid to write the worst song he could, he might turn out something like this before he hung himself.  That’s harsh, but I give Alex a lot of credit for that.  On the plus side, it’s only 2:50 long and about 30 seconds of that is fade out, so the last 10 seconds don’t really count.

Man, this last one is the worst song ever to appear on a makeup-era KISS album.  “I Can’t Stop the Rain,” just listen to it.  From the snickering intro “This is New Yawk, yo,” to the treacly lyrics “then a cold wind/came callin’/strange how it knew me/by name” to the weak drum sounds, to one of the most awful choruses ever.  How can this song be about New York?  Do what now?

Please somebody purchase this song and listen to it.  I want someone to share my misery.

That is all.  Now I can stop listening.

Up next, I have to decide which is better/worse – Gene’s solo or Paul’s.  That’s going to take awhile.





* Two, I think.
** Not actual evidence.
*** No, it isn’t.


I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #183 on: August 17, 2009, 02:13:11 PM »
Peter Criss weeps as you ignore his solo work.
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #184 on: August 17, 2009, 05:07:08 PM »
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

nec13

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #185 on: August 17, 2009, 06:01:24 PM »
It was only a matter of time. I've always thought that in another life Gene Simmons would have been Sam Walton.
Nobody ever lends money to a man with a sense of humor.

mcphee from the forum

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #186 on: August 17, 2009, 06:22:48 PM »
buffcoat, when you finally finish these I'm going to quit smoking.

I'm not kidding.
My mommy made me boots.

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #187 on: August 17, 2009, 09:08:05 PM »
buffcoat, when you finally finish these I'm going to quit smoking.

I'm not kidding.


McPhee, our early contretemps over "Shout it Out Loud" aside, you're the most stalwart of the KISS: Album-by-Album posting crew.  I can't hurry the process of finishing the solo albums (and the new tracks from KILLERZ), but I can wish you the greatest of luck in giving up the foul weed.

I do have a suggestion if you want to quit earlier, and I'm quite sincere.  Purchase "Easy Thing," "Kiss the Girl Goodbye," and dear God "I Can't Stop the Rain" from your local MP3 store, and listen to them every time you take a first drag on a cigarette.  You will build negative associations that will take a lifetime to undo.
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

Spalding

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #188 on: August 18, 2009, 09:20:59 PM »
You're doing a great service for the Knights in Satan's Service, Buffcoat. You weren't supposed to actually listen to the record, though. Just get this out of the sleeve and finish up your mural:


buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #189 on: August 18, 2009, 10:17:27 PM »
Well done, Wilson Spalding!  I had forgotten about the crap posters.
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

Sarah

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #190 on: August 19, 2009, 09:35:16 AM »
Admit it, mcphee, part of you is hoping buffcoat takes a really, really long time to complete his review.

Julie

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #191 on: August 19, 2009, 10:53:21 AM »
buffcoat, when you finally finish these I'm going to quit smoking.

I'm not kidding.


McPhee, our early contretemps over "Shout it Out Loud" aside, you're the most stalwart of the KISS: Album-by-Album posting crew.  I can't hurry the process of finishing the solo albums (and the new tracks from KILLERZ), but I can wish you the greatest of luck in giving up the foul weed.

I do have a suggestion if you want to quit earlier, and I'm quite sincere.  Purchase "Easy Thing," "Kiss the Girl Goodbye," and dear God "I Can't Stop the Rain" from your local MP3 store, and listen to them every time you take a first drag on a cigarette.  You will build negative associations that will take a lifetime to undo.

How will you feel, Buffcoat, if mcphee keeps smoking but develops very bad taste?
I have a long history of booing

mostlymeat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #192 on: August 19, 2009, 11:46:01 AM »
I think your review of Hotter than Hell needs some revision. Yeah, the production is kinda shitty but songs like Goin' Blind, Got to Choose, Parasite, Hotter than Hell - these are all great tunes. Okay I haven't listened to side 2 yet but still. Side 1 alone is totally bad-ass. You said the live versions were better but what if it was 1972 and you hadn't heard the live versions yet? You would love this.

Going Blind alone should catapult it to the top of the Kiss list. It's pretty, it's heavy, and it's creepy, all at the same time.

-Ajax

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #193 on: August 19, 2009, 12:26:44 PM »
I think your review of Hotter than Hell needs some revision. Yeah, the production is kinda shitty but songs like Goin' Blind, Got to Choose, Parasite, Hotter than Hell - these are all great tunes. Okay I haven't listened to side 2 yet but still. Side 1 alone is totally bad-ass. You said the live versions were better but what if it was 1972 and you hadn't heard the live versions yet? You would love this.

Going Blind alone should catapult it to the top of the Kiss list. It's pretty, it's heavy, and it's creepy, all at the same time.

-Ajax

Ajax,

You make some good points.  I thought my overall review of Hotter than Hell was positive, despite the fact that it sounds like - and in fact WAS - recorded partly in a toilet.

I've expressed my great fondness for "Goin' Blind."  I would put it in my personal KISS top 5, along with "Black Diamond" and "Mr. Speed."  "Parasite" is up there, too, and "Got to Choose" is very good.

As for pretending I hadn't heard Alive!, that would be counter to the whole purpose of the reviews, man.  The whole point was to re-review them today and discuss them in that context. 

You should try side 2, though.

Hotter than Hell is still a recommended album, but the versions of the songs on Alive! are just much better (probably had more studio work, too, which, you know).
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!

buffcoat

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Re: KISS: An Album-by-Album Critical Reevaluation
« Reply #194 on: August 19, 2009, 12:27:30 PM »
buffcoat, when you finally finish these I'm going to quit smoking.

I'm not kidding.


McPhee, our early contretemps over "Shout it Out Loud" aside, you're the most stalwart of the KISS: Album-by-Album posting crew.  I can't hurry the process of finishing the solo albums (and the new tracks from KILLERZ), but I can wish you the greatest of luck in giving up the foul weed.

I do have a suggestion if you want to quit earlier, and I'm quite sincere.  Purchase "Easy Thing," "Kiss the Girl Goodbye," and dear God "I Can't Stop the Rain" from your local MP3 store, and listen to them every time you take a first drag on a cigarette.  You will build negative associations that will take a lifetime to undo.

How will you feel, Buffcoat, if mcphee keeps smoking but develops very bad taste?

Julie, I am confident enough in how horrible those three songs are that McPhee will be completely safe from liking them.
I really don't appreciate your sarcastic, anti-comedy tone, Bro!