Thanks for the input, I appreciate it.
My head is going to explode. Left another message with the landlord tonight - it was an hour of dogs barking 20 feet from our living room and then both repeatedly shitting on our lawn. If he calls back tomorrow, I have to give him two options - the neighbors (on a month to month lease) go or I go. I don't know if there's a clause in my lease that allows me to leave because the neighbors exhibit offensive stupidity or not, but I'll take my chances. This is what sucks though - I love our place. I have a garage, I have room for my crap, and other than the neighboring apartment it is insanely peaceful and quiet yet I'm minutes from town.
Funny thing about West Caldwell is we have friends living there that are looking to move. Their neighborhood is infested with weird Tea Party types and haggy Snookie wannabes (oh, but they're mothers, which is a little extra barfy). I'll look around a bit there though, maybe it's just a really strange block or something.
Will check out Middletown, never been there. Have been through South Orange a few times, that seems like it's worth looking at too. I suspect Maplewood is too pricey. Jersey City is interesting, but might be a bit too busy - I work at home doing mind-numbing systems admin work and wifey is a writer - the fewer distractions the better.
Still open to suggestions - I'm not anchored here, most of our friends are on the left coast or over the river. As long as I can still get to the city once a week or so without a huge hassle, I'm happy.
Any input on some more southern destinations like Red Bank? Or any rural areas that are cheap but not totally white trashy? Seriously, we're open to all sorts of ideas if we have to get out of here. Biggest issues are quiet and price, followed by the ability to get to NYC in a reasonable amount of time (like less than 1 1/2 hours).
I'm also always looking for rich bastards with huge estates that need to rent out a nice carriage house. We are lovely tenants - we pay on time and we don't bother anyone. It's totally out of character for me to be calling and complaining to our current landlord at least once a week.